Prayer from a survivor of abuse

Today I preached on the subject of abuse.  Time prevented me from reading this prayer I found at the CRC’s Safe Church Ministry’s Church Resources page, but I’d like to share it here.  May it open your eyes to the hurt within survivors of abuse… may it give you hope if you yourself are a survivor of abuse…

Loving God,
—– this is a hard journey…
—– a lonely journey…
—– a journey with no visible end.

So many feelings battle within my heart.
I feel anger at _____ for such a blatant betrayal of trust.
I feel anger at those who challenged me
—– when I came forward to expose the sin.
I feel anger at those who would blame me
—– for stirring things up.
I feel anger at those who forget that I also am in pain.
I feel anger at those who think my motive
—– is vengeance and not justice.
I feel shame –
—– deep, deep shame.
I feel like my thoughts and feelings
—– are naked before the world.
I am afraid of what the future may hold…
—– I am afraid about what other ugliness
—– —– may be held before me.
—– I am afraid that others will also come forward and say,
—– —– “I have also been hurt by _____.”
—– I am afraid that still others will criticize me or ignore me.
I feel confused…
—– Am I victim, or am I also guilty?
—– Do I bear some responsibility or _____’s sins?
—– Should I have said something sooner?
—– Should I have said anything at all?
—– Could I have remained silent?
I feel humbled knowing
—– what vile and hateful thoughts I, too,
—– —– am capable of thinking.
I feel a deep, wrenching sadness for _____.
—– The actions of _____ have brought so much pain
—– —– to so many lives, including mine.

Gentle God, hold me close…
—– Rock me in Your arms…
—– Soothe and comfort me…
Help me to own these feelings that war within me…
—– to face the pain and not run away.
Help me to find healing for my hurts,
—– so that I will not hurt others…
[Help me] to gain understanding,
—– to show compassion,
—– to live in truth.
—– —– In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

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